I don’t understand how I can be a 25 year old single mother living on my own and still feel like someone is always telling me what I can and can not do. Its frustrating having to compromise the things I either want or need so that I don’t make someone else angry. Riley’s father is so incredibly manipulative and controlling. For some reason he seems to think that his activities (tennis mostly; which he plays anywhere from 1 to 3 times a week) are so much more important than my own. If he isn’t PLAYING tennis then he is hanging out at the tennis courts, dragging Riley along with him pretty much every time.
As of late I haven’t been able to tend many, if any at all, of my Zumba classes. I have been going to Zumba since probably around December of last year. I was introduced to it by Jose’s sister Marisol, and I attended classes basically every Tuesday and Thursday when I could get out of work on time. This never conflicted with Kenny’s ridiculous amounts of tennis. He somehow now seems to think that he’s been playing tennis every Tuesday since before I left him. People, that is OVER 3 YEARS AGO! He tells me that, “you’re Zumba is on Thursdays. I play tennis on Tuesdays.” I can’t help but to think, “when in the hell did you start to fucking dictate my life and tell me on which days I am to exercise!?”
It isn’t just the Zumba. This man literally wants to control every aspect of everything that has anything remotely close to do with something that might affect him. He wants to tell me what time I should get out of work. He wants to tell me to work 5 days a week. He wants to tell me I should go back to school. He wants to tell me who I should date and even then, he will hate every man I attempt a relationship with. WHEN THE HELL IS IT EVER GOING TO END?
Currently, Kenny is dating a woman named Lori. As far as I know they are dating, and I couldn’t care one bit about it. My only concern is whether or not this woman is good to my daughter. Why the hell would I care about anything other than that?
If I had known that having a child with someone would mean that they somehow had CONTROL over my every day fucking life, I would have been more cautious going into this! Why is HE not affected by my distaste for how much tennis he plays or how often he goes out and gets shit-faced? Why does it not work if I just simply say THIS IS WHAT I AM DOING AND THAT IS THE WAY IT IS? Why doesn’t HE bend over backwards not to piss ME off? I always fold, and change what I’m doing for my daughter. At least it feels that way. Sometimes I try incredibly hard to stand my ground and be firm with what I say I’m going to do. But then I just know that I’m going to have to deal with him yelling and screaming and telling me how much I DON’T love my child. IT’S ANGERING!
What would you do? Would you continue to basically let someone else run your life for the sake of your child or being accused that you don’t CARE about your kid?! I continually just do whatever Kenny wants to avoid his bullshit. I know I need to manage and dictate my own life and schedule… but how do I do that and avoid all the crap that comes with it? Any advice or insight would be appreciated!
Thanks for reading!
