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Friday, November 26, 2010

Random Sadness

Today was a low day. I was irritable and mopey. I know my feelings in no way shape or form had anything to do with Black Friday so that assumption is out.

Today I felt lonely and sad. I dont know what it was but I was a sad grump and though I felt sad, i had little patience and I took it out on my daughter. I was unnecessarily short towards her and I shouted a few times. Jose noticed something was wrong and while he tried to ask me what was wrong, I didnt really feel like talking about it. 

Sometimes I feel like I need more personal attention. More affection. More of whatever it is that makes a person really feel wanted and needed and cared for. But I cant imagine asking for that. I guess I feel like I shouldn't have to ask, maybe I just don't really deserve it or something.

I didn't really want to be alone tonight; In my apartment. I can't entirely explain why. I think I wanted the affection I feel has been put on the sidelines for the past quite a few days or more. I thought maybe for some reason, tonight would be different. 

I'm watching television and I'm by myself and it kinda feels like crap. So I guess I'll close my eyes and just be alone and pretend I'm not bothered by it.

Goodnight internet world. Though I know no one is reading me.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Work Disaster

I'm going to start by saying i love my job. I'm a portrait photographer for the PictureMe! Portrait Studio and I've been doing it since early November of 2007. I was hired in as a seasonal associate. I would be photographing children, and families, and whomever. I would have to sell the portrait collections and take care of customers. When I was hired, I was told it would be a part time position and that after the season was through, I may either be kept on as the part time associate for my home store or I would be let go. Another girl was working there at the time, and she had been there for over a year. The condition of my employment was based on performance. There was the possibility that the other girl would not be keeping her job if I out-performed her. Did I mention I've been in this position for 3 years now??? :)


Over the past few years, we've hired 6-8 seasonal associates, one of which we kept in the other local store. I've seen these associates come and go and many times, they quit. Something about the job is too stressful, too much, too difficult. Usually they quit around the time we no longer need them, which is fine with me, but this year, we have had 6 new hires who were trained only to quit 3 or 4 weeks into the job... let me tell you, IT SUCKS!!!

Every time a new hire quits, i feel like the weight of my job is on my shoulders and my shoulders alone. I'm a single mother. I live in Florida ON MY OWN and really don't have any family that can help me out, especially in the last minute.

In the past 6-8 months I've opened up my availability to this job immensely. My daughter is a full time kindergarten student and her dad works at a local hospital. I can work 4 days a week and maybe 5 but the more people who quit the job they were hired to do, the more difficult and stressful my life becomes because I feel like all eyes are on me to swoop in and work more than I'm able to and spread myself so thin that I disappear.

I LOVE MY JOB!!! It's the most fun and rewarding job I've had so far and I can't understand how other people who are hired in don't love it just as much as I do!!!
I'm currently in training to become a manager; something I'm not quite sure I'm super prepared for but it would be pretty cool to be the boss and run the studio. I'd make my own hours and work when I want to but then, the pressure and responsibility that comes along with it sometimes feels like it would be too much. The money would sure be nice though...

Now that we are in the thick of the Christmas season, there is no way we can hire anyone new right now. Our last new hire just quit like literally TODAY. There is no time to train them and it's too busy to throw someone blindly into this hard work. So right now I guess I have to sit back and wait to see what the hell happens and how much my bosses will try to push me to pick up more shifts that I don't think i can even take.

I hope the season flies by because I don't think i can handle any more!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Blog Virgin

So, hello there, internet world. This is my first blog. Blogger is now the official taker of my online blogging virginity! As we speak, I am preparing a tasty breakfast dinner of pancakes and bacon for my daughter Riley. Riley is 5 and will be 6 on the 29th of this month. All I can think about is how this year has flown by and I wonder where these 5 years have gone. How did she get to be 5 already, loosing teeth, and learning to read?!


Anyways, I wish to add to this blog preferably every week or every few days. I havent quite thought out what will be the main topic or subtopics but I'd like to relate to my readers. I obviously am going to write about what I know. Motherhood, photography, relationships between lovers and friends. Sometimes perhaps I'll just post about whatever random thing happens to be on my mind. In any case, I hope those that find me enjoy what they read and come back for more.


And as the famous Cornelia Clapp would say: "dancing alone in your living room is just as freeing as being the only fish in the sea"

Not really, but.... i tried