Eventually

OK SO, i really just need to say it. i want to eventually be a wife. i want to get married. I want to have someone else's last name and i want to even maybe have some kind of wedding! My reasons have nothing to do with god or government. they only have anything to do with what it means to ME to be married and to be a wife. And it has a lot to do with being part of a family. A full family.

i have never really fantasized about a wedding and a dress and all of that jazz but as i have gotten older and have gone through the things ive been through with my daughter, i have come to discover how important it is to me to "settle down".

to me, marriage is about eternal partnership. its about standing beside the person you love and committing to them in words and on paper that you will do whatever is in your power to be better, to enrich their life, to support them, and forever reassure them that they matter. marriage is about having your best friend who is also your lover. and about knowing that you wont ever have to go through life and it's hardships alone.
i want that.

i possibly also want the superficial parts of marriage as well. i want the ring. i want the last name. and i might even want to wear that stupid dress. however, these things are ancillary to me. and i know that part of me is totally unable to even explain (because i hardly understand it myself) why being a wife has become so important. it MEANS something.

expressing this is hard for me. im not saying that i want this right now and im not even really thinking about a time frame. but i want to know that it's possible. that it's in the cards for me. and i want a family for myself and for Riley.

Mrs. Cortney Someone-or-Other
it's not that much to ask...

Right?